somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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