You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
