Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
