You just made me feel so damn special
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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