but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
