How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
