apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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