it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
