Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
