The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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