Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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