dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We left the knife in your bed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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