please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
