chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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