Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
