I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
