she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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