This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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