I think I died a long time ago.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
