i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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