You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
