Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
