i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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