I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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