there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
