I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
