IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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