im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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