my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
