I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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