This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
