i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
