Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
