video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
