I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
