It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love having hate sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
