I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
