just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
