seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
