I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
