omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
