Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
