I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
