this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
