maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
