if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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