My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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