just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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