you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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