Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Acid is not a monday night drug
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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