It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
