wakey wakey hands off snakey
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
