so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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