If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
