Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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