3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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