dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
