There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
