i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
